I was born in the era of the bra burners. Yes I came screaming into the world sixteen hours later at the height of the feminist movement: Roe v. Wade. The burning rituals as screaming women railed against a society that had suffocated, stifled and abused us all.
Now, fast forward some 30 plus odd years and I find myself struggling, flailing and railing against a system that expects me to be able to do it all. I was raised by a stay at home mom, who gave up her career as a nurse to stay home and take care of her kids. My dad worked and my mom well she was home. So alas no bra burners existed in my family, in fact I had no clue about feminists until I was in college the second time around.
So I am laying in bed with my second husband, mind you it took over six years to even consider marriage again, he was very convincing. I am a feminist and heartily stand up for what I feel is right for women, and he has heard my anger on more than one occasion. I stray, but anyway I am laying in bed exhausted, worn out, beyond fried from my long day. I blurted out, what happened to the 50's where women knew their job and men knew theirs? I slapped my hand over my mouth almost afraid to admit I had just committed the feminist's unpardonable sin. I had asked for the simple days where moms stayed home and the men shouldered the heavy labor.
After much contemplation I look at my life and wonder, can there be a happy medium some where? Or do I take on another lover? This women or man for that matter would be my extra arms, legs and brain while attending college classes full time, cooking, running errands, or sweeping the dog hair up from under the kitchen cabinets when I can no longer lift one foot up to put in front of the other! Sex would be used as monetary means for this exchange but I find it ironic that I read a blog today where a mom told her husband she needed an extra lover just to help her deliver her three children to their soccer games, practices just so she could find a moment of free time for herself. My question of course is where does the extra energy for sex come into the picture? Just asking!
Have we come to this, where we actually realize that as women in todays society and expectations that we honestly cannot do everything? I honestly believed I can be anything, do anything and manage my life just fine, but and yes there is a big but, granted we are not talking about my backside which gets larger as the stress increases and my exercise regime goes down the drain, but can we really do everything or have we created an illusion that leaves a large percentage of women such as myself struggling to hold everything together.
With two small step sons who are needy emotionally, I am finding I am filling the role of mother, mentor, disciplinarian, clothes picker upper, constant reminder; "How many times have I said that," seems to be my mantra these days as my anorexic basset hound refuses to eat her food, and paces across the kitchen floor during meals.
Granted I do not sound fair in that my husband is home and does a lot of the household work, while I attend school, manages the kids when I am in class etc. I would not be able to do half as much if he were not home right now, but isn't a house a women's?
I struggle with the dishes piled in the sink because we are both exhausted and can't seem to get up and put them into the dishwasher. I hate that I can not seem to keep papers, items from the kids schools, bills and other pieces of paper in one place and in some semblance of order. Maybe I am nit picking here, but my mom kept a spotless house, granted we did a lot of the work, dressed up in aprons and hankies tied around our hair pretending to be housekeepers for my mother. Oh the desperate means we go to to teach our children something, I honestly do not know how my mother kept a house, a garden, home schooled too girls successfully, managed the dog, cat, goats and other animals that found their way onto our property. How did she can and freeze food for winter, work the garden, plant, harvest and keep a beautiful rock garden in the middle of now where?
I can't seem to do half of what she did, and I think I seriously need an answer, as a 30's ish mother, student, wife, daughter and caretaker of a handicapped mother in law, where are those extra arms when you need them.
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